u know it but u still do it

i just bought myself a 6-pack bud light and threw-in a couple of poptarts. it’s very unhealthy, i know – but what’s good for me? whatever i just did, was totally unhealthy. i know it – i knew it – but yet, i still went ahead and did it.

i woke up feeling really shitty – i felt like throwing myself at a moving trailer. i started imagining how would it feel to walk into a glass wall thinking it wasn’t there. cos i really felt awfully dumb and i wish i accidentally knocked into a guy on the street who had a bad morning and had a very important presentation to ford motors or ge that day – have him swear at me and shove me.

i was going crazy. from the moment i woke up, did it again – till i got into a cab.

i slept with cameron. i totally regret it – emotionally. but the only thing which stopped me from making the above sadistic imaginations come true – was because the sex was amazingly mind-blowing.

i loathe myself for fucking-up. i hate being me and i hate having like this – but hey, i made the choices. sweet.

cingularass

i hate it when i have problem making calls or sending text messages. sometimes my twits don’t get through. i tried sending katja a text message but it didn’t get through.

anyway. so earlier on geek was screaming on IM that she needs her medication. i know, geek, hang in there. i know u will get u what u want – we always get what we want. well, most of the time, that is.

when he turns happy (and gay)

Shit. Why in petunia’s sake do the good-looking men go to the other side of the rainbow?!

Goddunnit! my colleague asked if I’d be receptive or if I’d be crushed if Walrus (after the creaking ancient relationship) should turn rainbow. Of course i said:

oh come on not a problem. what’s the point of being sad, move along…

SHIT NO! Of course i’d be bone-crushed! Might make me wonder negatively, like whether it’s because my punani smelt or if schlong’s were more fun than peaches.

You tell me!

And they say it’s harder to understand women. tsk .

wet dream gone *poooof*

ok. in short, i had 2 dreams last night while i fell asleep on the couch.

1st dream
first, i was making-out with fuckhead-cameron. then it got intense. then everything which were tailored for body wear were off and we were naked. when we were about to do it, the hoover dam burst *poooof* and i didn’t manage to get laid.

his hoover dam, not my bloody floodgate – in case you’re thinking that i was the one who blew it.

2nd dream
this, is totally, totally, totally tragic. u see i have a hot neighbor, and he’s a FRIEND. seriously. i NEVER had the hots for him cos i treat him like how i treat a little homie as my bro.

i dreamt we were frenching each other: truly, madly, badly, wetly.

i woke up all grossed-out. and i know i really, really, really need to get laid, badly.

like what calv (my colleague) said: “you seriously need to do something about this and get yourself laid”.

i know calv, gimme time… sigh.

when one is not enough…

It is SCREAMING in my head..! nothing is ever enough. It came to a point in my life that it makes me wonder. Is it better to be the GF he cheats on but goes home to? Or the other girl he has an affair with but flourishes you with gift & compliments? Nothing is ever enough is it?

He once said, he wanted both! He is greedy. He loves his long time GF, but he likes me a lot! What was that suppose to mean? “I want to take care both” is what he said!

Well basically, I don’t know whether it is the VIBES that I am sending out? Or do I produce some kind of pheromones that attracts these kinds of men!

Maybe Karma will hit me one day. But I sure hope it won’t! That is why I am abstaining myself from SEX! It isn’t easy I must say… with all the temptations around me. I love being single, or should I say… I am afraid of committing myself to a particular person. Because I know what it is like outside. I am the OTHER GIRL that your BF is seeing. It is scary but it’s true.

Is there such thing as Loving 2 person at one time? It’s already hard enough to love ONE person, let alone 2?!

welcome back, sponge

just a warm welcome to sponge. geek’s busy with some rocket science experiment of hers (she’s trying to be brain while i’m dying to be pinky), so again, welcome back! now pass on the souvenirs. and happy blogging. our mission – to make men as miserable as possible, and to make ourselves as righteous as we already are.

just kidding. do whatever what u want.

vile earth (or more so those who vilify it)

Now. stop raining and let the bloody sun shine would you?

I’ve had enough trudging in slimy i don’t know what the heck is in the water as i watch it slosh over my open toe sandals. The putrid air smells are getting to me, sick sick sick…and it gets worse when mrs-i-don’t-know-about-deodorant comes waltzing pass. it stinks. I’d say it but i think i better shut my can or else someone’s feelings are going to get a little dented today.

Haven’t seen geek or slayer for a while, feeling a little awful about it but hey i’m back from the bahamas alright so let’s boogie!

wendy’s

i was hanging with geek and the gang at wendy’s early this morning and suddenly i popped the forbidden question: ’should i be friends with cameron? would u ever make the effort to be friends with gavin again?’

yea it was a question meant for diversion. i choked on my own soda. eeeeew.

i’ll continue on this later.

home on a saturday night

i am actually at home on a Saturday night, didn’t go out and join the guys tonight.. feeling kind of lazy, going through the make up, dress up thing,

Nothing much to do.. had a lazy day. Did some spring cleaning though!! i still can’t think of anything to revamp this blog. Any ideas??

I am tempted to call up Tate ( he has a Gf by the way), but i must say.. he is a good fuck. well at least he tries to make me happy.. some guys only care for themselves, and sex usually ends up me having to fake an orgasm! how sad.. But Tate is busy tonight, he is out with his friends. He did message me and asked me out though… but i am just not in the mood to socialize. I just need someone to hug me to sleep…. that’s all…

damn u xavi

i can’t locate xavi on my myspace page. what in the world happened to him! he’s no bloody where to be found. geez. did he flee the country and head to russia or sthg?!?! crap.

what a stupid fucking day.

sleep (next to) me, pls!

i have a surging urge to IM xavi and have him get his ass here. although the sex wasn’t good (cos his woody wasn’t big enough), his was really a nice guy whom adored me to bits and he has a lot of money (not like i need it but it helps).

i felt bad sleeping with him as he was cheating on his girlfriend back then. but he had always wanted to have me ever since we met back in college days. tho he had me fews years after, he didn’t score my heart. i broke his heart, but heck; i didn’t care. he was the one who was cheating, not me.

i wish he could be here now – and hug and kiss me to sleep. nope, no sex… i just wish i can just sleep with anybody and get the adrenaline going. but i can’t. it’s been close to 3 months without it since cameron and i called it quits. i’m in no mood.

anyway. so i lost my blackberry to a fuckhead cabbie few months back and you guessed it, my numbers – pooof. all gone.

i think i’ll send him a message on myspace. see what happens. yeehaw! he’d better be in town… sigh

dreamt of cameron. fuck.

i woke up this morning feeling like a scumbag. not because i am one by nature but for as long as i dream about cameron, i will consider myself as one.

it was a casual setting. friends were around. mutual, cool buds. shit like that. and fuckhead cameron had to show up some where in the middle of some road trip and totally RUINED everything. i had to waste heaps of energy avoiding him. and mind you, it is mentally draining to do so even if it’s in dream-fuckin-land.

thank goodness it was just a dream. fuck.

putting my toughts into visuals

okay… i am trying to RE-VAMP this page.. so gimme some time to vamp it up….

On the other hand… it’s a weekend nite, i’m waiting for my mobile phone to ring… actually i have an invitation to go out and party with the gang. but i am just too lazy to doll up and head out. i am deprived of sex, the last one i had was BAD. so i have no intention to have it with him again… bygones.

Since i am kinda abstaining myself from having sex. i am not going to call my usual fuck buddies. i need new ones..or should i say.. i need to behave myself more…

at times, i just hate opening doors

each time i get home. as i enter my room, or my apartment. i wish i had come home to that/a special someone.

he could be balled-up at the couch, watching tv, football. basketball.
he could be asleep, on the couch. got tired while waiting for me to come home.
that i’d find him sound asleep, on our bed.
that i’d find him awake, on our bed; doing his work on his notebook.
that i’d find him half-awake, sheepishly waiting for me.
that i’d find him pretending to be asleep; then pounce on me as i get ready to quietly tuck myself into bed.

i hate opening doors. i hate my wishful thinking – but i know it will eventually come back to me.

the black book. right

ok. i’m honored to be the first to post here.

really. two of us, sitting down at starbucks – and decided to come up with this blog because there is a NEED to do so. not because we are desperate to get our stories out. well, because… err, we all have different reasons, so allow me to tell you MY reason

i just need an outlet to express my fucked-upness when it comes to having relationships. it would be great to receive feedback and support from my 2 others girls in here – and not to mention, valuable thoughts from strangers like you.

i really need to go to the bathroom. my macchiato (is that the correct spelling) really did pump up my kidneys. yucks.