u know it but u still do it

i just bought myself a 6-pack bud light and threw-in a couple of poptarts. it’s very unhealthy, i know – but what’s good for me? whatever i just did, was totally unhealthy. i know it – i knew it – but yet, i still went ahead and did it.

i woke up feeling really shitty – i felt like throwing myself at a moving trailer. i started imagining how would it feel to walk into a glass wall thinking it wasn’t there. cos i really felt awfully dumb and i wish i accidentally knocked into a guy on the street who had a bad morning and had a very important presentation to ford motors or ge that day – have him swear at me and shove me.

i was going crazy. from the moment i woke up, did it again – till i got into a cab.

i slept with cameron. i totally regret it – emotionally. but the only thing which stopped me from making the above sadistic imaginations come true – was because the sex was amazingly mind-blowing.

i loathe myself for fucking-up. i hate being me and i hate having like this – but hey, i made the choices. sweet.