i said i didn’t screw my ex. right.

update: whops! looks like i blogged about this already (titled ‘u know it but u still do it‘ – i think)! fuck. nvm – here’s another one to our readers out there. whatever. i’m not deleting this post. i’m gettin’ old. i need another tattoo to rejuvenate my drying fountain of youth.

ok i admit that i forgot the password for this blog and clearly shows i’ve not been active in my ‘menlihood’. you see, my world doesn’t revolve around men. but anyway, that’s not the point. the point is that i’m here to bitch and lick my own wounds.

btw, geek – glad you’re up and goin’ in here. it’s been long since i heard from you.

back to my story. so i’m thinkin’. which one should i talk about first. the fact that i fucked cameron and felt like shit the morning after (tho we did it again) or talk about this dude that’s on my ‘to do list’?

i’ll start with cameron.

ok. so it was my special day. i was out partying with the mates and got drunk a little. ok not a little. no drugs were involved, i swear. everything that went in the biggest hole on our faces were purely spirits.

and i got horny. f-u-c-k-i-n-g horny. i used fabio’s cell and sent cameron a text message.

few hours later – i showed up and cameron’s room door (got in with fabio’s set of keys – damn those bulky texas bulky and noisy key chains) – and we ended up doing it.

the sex was AWESOME. it almost blew my brains out but both of us were too tired to really get all worked-out so my brains remained intact.

have i ever mentioned that he’s my BEST FUCK ever? he’s always been. but he fucked me over and i hate him. i hate myself for loving him but fuck it. whatever.

we screwed for an hour or so. it was 3am. knocked-off. and ‘woke up’ around 7am. we were moving around. i was asleep in his arms – whole night (ok not exactly but good 4 hours). we got horny.

and we did it again.

showered.

changed.

got out of the house.

he headed for the subway and i headed for a yellow.

i felt like SHIT. why the FUCK did i FUCK my EX for?!

you think i wish i could turn back time and not drink and fuck-up?

i don’t know.

i’ll talk about my ‘to do lis’ later. if you wanna take a sneak peek – click on the ’slayer’ at the tabs above.

(i still feel shitty from fucking my ex. i really do. but life doesn’t stop there for me. run along)

u know it but u still do it

i just bought myself a 6-pack bud light and threw-in a couple of poptarts. it’s very unhealthy, i know – but what’s good for me? whatever i just did, was totally unhealthy. i know it – i knew it – but yet, i still went ahead and did it.

i woke up feeling really shitty – i felt like throwing myself at a moving trailer. i started imagining how would it feel to walk into a glass wall thinking it wasn’t there. cos i really felt awfully dumb and i wish i accidentally knocked into a guy on the street who had a bad morning and had a very important presentation to ford motors or ge that day – have him swear at me and shove me.

i was going crazy. from the moment i woke up, did it again – till i got into a cab.

i slept with cameron. i totally regret it – emotionally. but the only thing which stopped me from making the above sadistic imaginations come true – was because the sex was amazingly mind-blowing.

i loathe myself for fucking-up. i hate being me and i hate having like this – but hey, i made the choices. sweet.

cingularass

i hate it when i have problem making calls or sending text messages. sometimes my twits don’t get through. i tried sending katja a text message but it didn’t get through.

anyway. so earlier on geek was screaming on IM that she needs her medication. i know, geek, hang in there. i know u will get u what u want – we always get what we want. well, most of the time, that is.

wet dream gone *poooof*

ok. in short, i had 2 dreams last night while i fell asleep on the couch.

1st dream
first, i was making-out with fuckhead-cameron. then it got intense. then everything which were tailored for body wear were off and we were naked. when we were about to do it, the hoover dam burst *poooof* and i didn’t manage to get laid.

his hoover dam, not my bloody floodgate – in case you’re thinking that i was the one who blew it.

2nd dream
this, is totally, totally, totally tragic. u see i have a hot neighbor, and he’s a FRIEND. seriously. i NEVER had the hots for him cos i treat him like how i treat a little homie as my bro.

i dreamt we were frenching each other: truly, madly, badly, wetly.

i woke up all grossed-out. and i know i really, really, really need to get laid, badly.

like what calv (my colleague) said: “you seriously need to do something about this and get yourself laid”.

i know calv, gimme time… sigh.

welcome back, sponge

just a warm welcome to sponge. geek’s busy with some rocket science experiment of hers (she’s trying to be brain while i’m dying to be pinky), so again, welcome back! now pass on the souvenirs. and happy blogging. our mission – to make men as miserable as possible, and to make ourselves as righteous as we already are.

just kidding. do whatever what u want.

wendy’s

i was hanging with geek and the gang at wendy’s early this morning and suddenly i popped the forbidden question: ’should i be friends with cameron? would u ever make the effort to be friends with gavin again?’

yea it was a question meant for diversion. i choked on my own soda. eeeeew.

i’ll continue on this later.

damn u xavi

i can’t locate xavi on my myspace page. what in the world happened to him! he’s no bloody where to be found. geez. did he flee the country and head to russia or sthg?!?! crap.

what a stupid fucking day.

sleep (next to) me, pls!

i have a surging urge to IM xavi and have him get his ass here. although the sex wasn’t good (cos his woody wasn’t big enough), his was really a nice guy whom adored me to bits and he has a lot of money (not like i need it but it helps).

i felt bad sleeping with him as he was cheating on his girlfriend back then. but he had always wanted to have me ever since we met back in college days. tho he had me fews years after, he didn’t score my heart. i broke his heart, but heck; i didn’t care. he was the one who was cheating, not me.

i wish he could be here now – and hug and kiss me to sleep. nope, no sex… i just wish i can just sleep with anybody and get the adrenaline going. but i can’t. it’s been close to 3 months without it since cameron and i called it quits. i’m in no mood.

anyway. so i lost my blackberry to a fuckhead cabbie few months back and you guessed it, my numbers – pooof. all gone.

i think i’ll send him a message on myspace. see what happens. yeehaw! he’d better be in town… sigh

dreamt of cameron. fuck.

i woke up this morning feeling like a scumbag. not because i am one by nature but for as long as i dream about cameron, i will consider myself as one.

it was a casual setting. friends were around. mutual, cool buds. shit like that. and fuckhead cameron had to show up some where in the middle of some road trip and totally RUINED everything. i had to waste heaps of energy avoiding him. and mind you, it is mentally draining to do so even if it’s in dream-fuckin-land.

thank goodness it was just a dream. fuck.

at times, i just hate opening doors

each time i get home. as i enter my room, or my apartment. i wish i had come home to that/a special someone.

he could be balled-up at the couch, watching tv, football. basketball.
he could be asleep, on the couch. got tired while waiting for me to come home.
that i’d find him sound asleep, on our bed.
that i’d find him awake, on our bed; doing his work on his notebook.
that i’d find him half-awake, sheepishly waiting for me.
that i’d find him pretending to be asleep; then pounce on me as i get ready to quietly tuck myself into bed.

i hate opening doors. i hate my wishful thinking – but i know it will eventually come back to me.

the black book. right

ok. i’m honored to be the first to post here.

really. two of us, sitting down at starbucks – and decided to come up with this blog because there is a NEED to do so. not because we are desperate to get our stories out. well, because… err, we all have different reasons, so allow me to tell you MY reason

i just need an outlet to express my fucked-upness when it comes to having relationships. it would be great to receive feedback and support from my 2 others girls in here – and not to mention, valuable thoughts from strangers like you.

i really need to go to the bathroom. my macchiato (is that the correct spelling) really did pump up my kidneys. yucks.